In February this year, a remarriage and matchmaking company conducted a survey of individuals seeking a second marriage. The top obstacle cited in forming new relationships was having children from a previous marriage. But for today's featured couple-a North Korean defector couple now in their fifth year of remarriage-children are not a hurdle that stands in the way of reality, but rather a precious bond that helps strengthen their family.
First Impressions Don't Decide "Fate"
Lee Cheol-eun(age 38), a North Korean defector originally from South Hwanghae Province, is currently pursuing a master's degree at Kookmin University's Graduate School of Global Peace&Unification. He once served in the South Hwanghae Bureau of the Ministry of State Security, but in 2016, due to an unexpected incident, he defected to South Korea by swimming across the West Sea with a friend, carrying nothing but the clothes on his back. His early days in the South were filled with excitement at having reached the land of freedom, but he soon faced psychological loneliness and financial hardship as he tried to adust Life in South Korea proved far from easy for someone with such an unusual background. Around that time, he met a woman-what felt like fate- at a social integration event for residents from the North and South Korea. "To be honest, my first impression of her wasn't great," he recalls. "She came across as stiff and cold. But now I realize that human relationships aren't determined by first impressions."
The woman behind that less-than-favorable first impression is Han Yu-Mi(age 40, owner of JH Beauty in Osan), originally from Bukcheong, South Hamgyeong Province, who settled in South Korea in 2006. "When I first saw my husband, I thought he was arrogant and full of himself. To be honest, he came off like a patriarchal, old-fashioned guy who had just crossed over from the North," she says, "I was sure I'd never see someone like him again... but a few months later, we ran into each other by chance." As if by fate, two people came to the semi-permanent eyebrow studio run by Yu-mi.
One of the two visitors was a longtime acquaintance of hers. The other was Cheol-eun-her future husband. And so, as if destined, the two met again. Though things were awkward at first, Yu-mi did her best as a professional and gave Cheol-eun a great set of eyebrows. Even a brief exchange of small talk began to erase the negative impressions they had of each other. After that, a simple check-in call opened the door. As they began to share their struggles and relate to one another, the distance between them naturally faded-and they grew closer, little by little.
Trust Puts "Worries" to Rest
At the time, 33-year-old Cheol-eun found himself increasingly drawn to Yu-mi, whose calm and grounded personality made her someone he wanted to lean on. Even more so, seeing how she was raising two children on her own-living with integrity-made him feel a deep sense of trust and confidence in her. "As my trust in her grew, I had no hesitation about her children," he says. "The children of the woman I love are my children, too. I realized that if you overthink and calculate everything, you risk missing out on the happiness right in front of you."
Once their feelings for each other were clear, Cheol-eun made an effort to bond with the children-taking them on outings and watching movies together. "While I was dating my wife, we spent Christmas with the kids. We went to a restaurant, and out of the blue, the older son said something unexpected. He told me it felt strange to call me 'uncle' when we looked like a real family to others. Then he asked, "If you're not going to leave my mom, would it be okay if I called you Dad?" I was overwhelmed. Yu-mi's daughter, moved as well, said she wanted to call me Dad too. In that moment, I felt a sudden urge to marry their mother and become a true family." The children accepted him as their father without hesitation-and from there, everything moved quickly. Soon enough, the four of them began their bumpy but heartfelt family life together under one roof.
Life with their 11-year-old son and 8-year-old daughter was rocky from the start. Whenever the children, on the brink of adolescence, acted out, Cheol-eun would tense up, unsure of how to respond. In those moments, it was always Yu-mi who stepped in to mediate and bring things back to calm. "My husband had never raised older children before, and all he knew were North Korean-style parenting methods," she explains. "On top of that, he wasn't their biological father, so he was hesitant to discipline them. I could see him holding back, constantly second guessing himself, and keeping his distance. I thought, this isn't how a family should work. So I told him, 'if you truly love the kids, then you need to step up as their dad and guide them properly. I can see how much you love them, so please don't hesitate-be confident in your role as their father."
In her heart, Yu-mi always had faith in her husband. After all, isn't sincerity most visible to those who truly trust each other? Though still clumsy at times, Cheol-eun was sincere with the children-and for that, Yu-mi was always grateful. In turn, seeing his wife's trust in him gave him the strength to fully embrace his role as a father and raise the children with care and commitment.
Our Children, the Pillars of Our Happiness
Yu-mi's approach to communication is wise: when something cannot be endured or resolved, she lets it go without hesitation. It's not an easy decision, but she's able to do so because of the trust and respect her husband has consistently shown her. "We haven't had any major conflicts so far. I never wanted to fail at marriage again, and I'm truly grateful to my husband for treating my children as if they were his own."
"Even now, we continue to work on our relationship," Yu-mi says. "My husband always refers to them as 'our son' and 'our daughter' when speaking with others. Everytime I see that, I just want to love him more and be a better wife."
She adds that from the beginning of their relationship until now, she has never once asked him if he was okay with the fact that she had children. "He knew everything about my situation and still chose to be with me. There was no need to ask-beacuse we already understood each other's hearst through action, not words."
In Augurst 2024, their third child was born. Early in their remarried lfe, Yu-mi didn't want another child. But as she came to understand her husband's genuine desire for one, she made the decision to have the baby. Although she knew how diffeicult it would be to raise three children in today's world, she didn't hesitate-motivated by her desire to make her husband happy. Yet the joy of welcoming a new life was short-lived. Exhausted by the demands of nighttime childcare, the coulple found them selves frequently arguing over small thins.
"I thought deeply about it while driving. I knew the situation could make us both more sensitive, but I also realized we shouldn't let things continue like that. So I pulled over and sent my husband a long message. I told him that while it's natural to feel overwhelmed right now, I hoped we could both work through this difficult time together. Since then, he hasn't lost his temper once. He's been quitely, steadily helping me every step of the way."
After giving birth to their third child, Yu-mi says she came to see her husband as an even better and more admirable person. She praises him for making baby food himself and taking care of everything from cleaning to other big and small tasks, always mindful of how tired she might be. With a bashful smile, she shaid she almost missed out on a gem of a husband-if she had let her disappointing first impression turn her away.
Curious about how her husband felt, we asked him directly. "When I held out third child las year, I realized just how hard it is to raise even on child. It made me think about how much my wife must have struggled raising two on her own. I promised myself that i'd cherish and love her even more from now on." To Lee Cheol-eun and Han Yu-mi, family is both a pillar they can lean on and the reason they strive to live each day with sincerity. Their humble wish to support their three children as they grow into loving individuals with good character and kind hearts. Yu-mi says she would give her husband 80 out of 100 points-not beacase he falls short, but because she wants to leave the remaining 20 to be filled with love and trust in the days ahead. She said this with a happy, affectionate smile.
